I now love pizza soup

Yesterday I made pizza soup at home for dinner. This is the second time Katie and I have had it -- she made a version of it a couple weeks ago and I tried my own stab at it this time. I shared my love for this meal on social media and several folks on the website Twitter.com asked me for a recipe.

This is a good time to note that I did not invent pizza soup. I would never dare to claim this, as the person who invented pizza soup deserves their own spot in the Official Soup Hall of Fame (OSHOF), which is probably headquartered somewhere in the midwestern United States, if I had to guess. I did, however, combine a few different recipes that I found on the web to wind up at the concoction below.

If you're not a meat-eater, I would recommend replacing the ground beef, pepperoni and beef broth with whatever you might use as substitutes in those cases. Or, you can search the web (Google.com is my personal favorite search engine) and other smarter people / better cookers than me have probably done vegetarian and vegan versions of this.

Without further ado, here is the first and perhaps last recipe I will ever post on my blog:

Pizza Soup: How To Make It, How To Eat It, How To Love It

The ingredients you will need are below, after the YouTube video which is required viewing but unrelated to this recipe. I recommend purchasing them at a supermarket, but some people prefer to use delivery services like Amazon Pantry. No judging from me if you're too lazy or don't have enough time to maneuver your body into the vegetable aisle of your local grocery.

You will find that my portioning is not really scientific. This is because I usually refuse to use utensils that measure things like "tablespoons" in the kitchen; I live my life a quarter-mile at a time.

The Stuff You Need For Pizza Soup

  • Somewhere between three-quarters of a pound to one full pound of ground beef. This also probably works fine with ground turkey or ground pork, as long as the meat you choose is 85% lean or more you're probably set. If your ground meat of choice is fattier than this, you'll probably want to drain the grease after cooking it.
  • One yellow onion, small-ish to medium-ish.
  • One to two green peppers, depending on how much you like that shit.
  • One package of brown mushrooms; I buy these in packages that usually include like 8-12 medium sized mushrooms, in case you're picking mushrooms individually.
  • Some garlic; this depends on your personal taste but I usually use one spoonful of garlic from a thing of minced garlic that we have in our fridge.
  • A package of good ass cheese tortellinis. I buy these ones because they are pre-packed and easy to make.
  • Some pepperonis. Buy these in some type of package. Get the mini kind if you can because they are nice and tiny. Probably if you're a measuring type, like 1/2 cup or 3/4 cup is fine.
  • One jar (like 28 ounces I think) of crushed tomatoes. Buy the can that looks like this if you can because these are the good ass tomatoes.
  • One quart (one normal-sized thing) of beef broth.
  • Mozzarella cheese, grated.
  • Parmesan cheese, grated, probably like 1/2 cup will cut it.
  • Some other shit: Black pepper, salt, oregano, crushed red pepper, olive oil, hot sauce of your choosing or cayenne pepper if you're really feeling it, whatever the heck else you might usually use for pasta.

There you have it. This makes enough to feed two people pretty decent sized portions for dinner plus at least one leftover for lunch at work the next day.

How To Prep Your Pizza Soup

Dice the onion small AF.

Dice the green peppers too.

Cube up those mushrooms.

Mince your garlic if you bought an actual head of garlic.

Cut up your pepperonis if you didn't buy the mini kind.

Moving on.

How To Cook Your Pizza Soup

We're gonna start out with the meats here. You're gonna wanna just do this all in one large pot. I use a Dutch oven because I'm a Chef, but if you're not a Chef, you can just use any big pot. If your pot is too small, purchase a larger one or separate the ingredients in half and use two pots. How big does the pot have to be? You'll probably find out on your first attempt at this.

Heave a generous amount of olive oil into your pot and let it get nice'n'hot. Like medium high heat will do you fine. Place your hunk of ground beef or pork or turkey or whatever into the pot. Stir this and mash this a little so it starts to become a little broken up. Grow up and buy a wooden spoon if you do not have one yet. Add the onions and garlic in there and wipe away those tears from cutting up that onion; put the tears in with the beef mixture if you want a little natural body salt flavor.

Place a separate pot of salted water on high to get it boiling. You're going to want the water to be boiling in like 15-20 minutes from now.

After like 5 minutes of cooking the ground beef-onions-garlic, go ahead and dump those pepperonis in there with the mushrooms and green peppers. Get going on that stuff, stirring regularly, for like 2-3 more minutes, you can be on medium or medium-high heat for this. After this, dump out your grease if you feel like there's too much in there. Use personal judgement for this since I am not your dad.

Hurl the following things into the pot: All of the beef broth, the whole can of tomatoes and a half-cup or whatever of the Parmesan cheese. Stir this nice and good. Add all of the spices you want to add -- black pepper, crushed red pepper, salt, oregano, whatever else you might be using to cook pasta sauce. Get creative, start your own blog and make your own version of this recipe; I am not the cops.

You want to get that whole liquid mixture up to a boil. This usually takes some time, like maybe 8 minutes. Go back up to medium-high if you're impatient. When it starts boiling, reduce the heat to somewhere in between low and medium and set a timer for 15 minutes. Stir it every few minutes or whatever because that cheese is gonna wanna settle in at the bottom of your pot and stick to it.

Somewhere in here, you want to start cooking your cheese tortellinis in that boiling water. We're not going to cook them all the way through -- look at the package, see how long they tell you to cook for, and put them in the boiling water for 3-4 minutes less than that. I start this step with 5 minutes left on my 15-minute timer because that's how long I cook my tortellinis for. You want these to finish up right as your 15-minute timer is going off.

After the tortellinis are ready (remember, 3-4 minutes less than fully cooked), drain them in a colander. Go ahead and dump these bad boys into the main pot. Continue to cook and stir for like 5 more minutes.

There. You're done cooking now.

How To Eat Your Pizza Soup

Ladle some of this delicious soup into a bowl. Bowls are rounded plates often used for eating soup. Go forage in your disorganized fridge for the pack of mozzarella cheese you bought but cannot locate somehow. Remove a large handful from the bag and place it into the soup; stir it in.

Use a spoon and lift a small portion of the soup from the bowl. Blow on it with your mouth to make sure it isn't too hot. Insert it into your mouth and chew it then swallow it.

How To Love Your Pizza Soup

This part is more of a free-form art project. You can love the soup by taking a pic of it and posting it on Instagram. You can love the soup by kissing it, or anything else. Please credit me, the official inventor of pizza soup, in your posts.